YUMMY GUMMIES

Oh, the irony! 

I spent every nanosecond of my child-raising years praying my kids would “just say no” — run! leave the party! avoid that crowd! don’t do drugs!— to anything containing cannabis. “Lord, get them through these tender years without succumbing to pot … or worse … and end up in a half-way house. Mother of God!”

Today I’m a blissful night-chewing aficionado of medicated cannabis gummies. CBD gummies, to be exact. (FYI, CBD is defined as “a naturally occurring compound found in the resinous flower of cannabis.”)

Apparently, I’m not alone. The CBD industry is “conservatively projected to hit $16 billion in the United States by 2025.” The plant extract is being added to toothpicks, breath sprays, skin creams, oils, suppositories, dietary supplements and more. Pro golfer Bubba Watson slips a gummie under his tongue every night before bed. (I read that Martha Stewart’s French bulldog partakes but, trust me, that wasn’t the key selling point.)

Several years ago I was moaning to a friend that I couldn’t sleep through the night. “I get up at 2:30 AM to go to the bathroom and then lie awake for hours.”  “Try CBD oil, it helped me,” my friend said. 

So I did a little research and discovered that that CBD oils, also called tinctures and extracts, are among the best options for CBD products, and sold at most natural food stores. But when I went to buy some, I felt like I was doing something illegal. I drove to a store 20 miles away, wore sunglasses and a large hat pulled low on my forehead, and literally slunk through the aisle, fervently beseeching the Almighty that I wouldn’t bump into anyone I knew. And OMG, what if the DEA is lurking? 

That night I placed a small amount of chocolate mint-flavored CBD oil under my tongue, held it for 60 seconds before swallowing, and then slept through the night.  HOOKED!  Oh yeah. Recently I discovered that CBD gummies do the same thing, and they taste great.

It’s not something you brag about to your friends and family. I mean, here I am in my 70s …. using, as it were.  But many of them are doing the same damn thing! 

One friend swore to me that CBD oil soothed and alleviated her arthritis pain. Another whispered that her anxiety level plummeted after sucking on a gummie. My sister stated, “Gummies don’t make you ‘high,’ they just make you feel better.” 

Although there is no scientific evidence that CBD oil or gummies “work,” most advertisements claim they are “effective at reducing anxiety, depression, pain, inflammation, PTSD and improving sleep.” Others tout CBD’s effectiveness in reducing cigarette addiction, clearing acne, even  relieving fibromyalgia pain. 

I only wanted a good night’s sleep. Now with my edible medicated cannabis gummies, I’m sleeping like a baby. 

And when my kids get old enough, I’ll recommend gummies to them.  Oh, the irony!