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Our master bedroom is decorated in a motif of ecru and white, signature beach colors. The tone of the bedspread, carpeting and walls reflects my desire for a serene atmosphere. Whether sitting in my armchair to knit or read, or hoisting the beige window shades to let in the morning sun, our bedroom reflects a calmness I savor and appreciate.

Well, it used to.

This heretofore temple of tranquility now features new decorative accessories you won’t find at Hurlbutt Designs as Opening Day at Webhannet Golf Club approaches. The bedroom ceiling is just high enough for Mr. Wonderful to practice his swing with a 9  (8, 7, 6, 5) iron or chip with his wedge, which he does hourly. No golf bag needed. The clubs stand at-the-ready next to the bookcase.


The carpeted area in front of the bedroom television allows him to work on his putting stroke while watching the Golf Channel. When Ricky Fowler sinks a putt (“That guy is the greatest putter in the world!”), W. leaps up, grabs one of his 12 putters from the pile, and executes a Ricky-like stroke toward the Golf Hole Practice Disc (“designed to hone your routine with unforgiving precision.”) 


Our full Practice Range is at one end of the living room.  Mr. W. likes to swing his Titleist 915D2 driver in front of a large mirror above a cabinet we use as a bar. He brings the club all the way back, shifts his weight from the right foot to the left during the downswing, follows through to a finish, then poses for about five minutes, sneaking peeks at his form.


Several bottles of Pinto Noir sit atop the bar. I’ve often wondered if they provide relief when his take-away or follow-through isn’t quite up to Tiger Woods’ standards. But actually, if that happens, he just straps on his latest miracle tool, the LC1 training device, which looks like something Torquemada might have used during the Inquisition. 


The tout of this Linear Compression Trainer is that it builds a compact, connected and consistent swing, and that golfers who practice with it “feel and emulate the downswing slot of a PGA Tour player.” Oh how I wish Jim Nantz would march his camera crew into to our living room to televise Mr. W’s amazing downswing.

But golfers need more than a “compact, connected and consistent swing.” There’s another element called “swing speed.” 


Voila, the SPEED STIK! This training aid, the brochure says, is designed to increase club head speed at impact: “Just 20 swings a day can give you 20 extra yards or more off the tee.” By quickly doing the math, I believe Mr. Wonderful added 100 yards to his tee shot distance just this afternoon. Watch out Ken, Bob, John and Ralph on Opening Day!


His Garmin AutoShot watch is charging in the kitchen, preparing to provide fairway distances to the holes. A box of DynaGrip Elite golf gloves sits on the top shelf in the front hall closet next to two boxes of Titleist ProVIx’s. A battalion of khaki and navy blue Bermuda shorts hangs in the bedroom closet next to umpteen Fairway & Greene golf shirts.

He’s ready. I am more than.

If only it would stop raining.