SENIOR DINING
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OVERHEARD RECENTLY AT A RESTAURANT NEAR YOU……
“Good evening and welcome, folks, my name is Brian. I’ll be your waiter this evening. Anyone interested in having a drink?”
“We sure are, Bruce,” Husband One answers. “Are we too late for Happy Hour?”
“Actually, sir, it’s Brian, and, yes, Happy Hour is over,” the waiter says. After taking drink orders, he asks, “Would anyone care for sparkling water?” “We’ll do the plain,” Husband One says. Wife One whispers, “But I like the fizz.” “Honey, is it really necessary? Water is water.”
Waiter Brian says, “Now, while they’re making your drinks, let me tell you about our Specials. The chef has created an incredible Veal Marsala which pairs beautifully with our seasonal Corn-Shrimp chowder.” Wife Two asks, “What kind of soup did he say?” Her husband turns to her and asks, “Are you wearing your hearing aids?” Wife Two sniffs and adds, “Did he say Veal Piccata or Marsala?”
“Thanks, Bruce, we’ll check out the menus and let you know,” Husband One says. His wife squirms in her seat and says, “Isn’t his name Brian?” “Whatever.”
“Fred, did you bring our reading glasses?” Wife Two asks. “Got ‘em right here,” he answers, pulling two pairs of cheaters out of his shirt pocket and placing them next to the flickering votives on the table. “Now, let’s see — these black ones are yours, right?” “No, mine are navy blue,” she says.
“How the hell can you tell what color they are in this light?” he asks. “Why do they make these candles so dim? And where’s that flashlight gizmo on my iPhone? And why is this menu six pages long? Too many things. I like a menu with four items on it.”
Husband Two announces, “My phone flashlight isn’t working,” “Here, give me that,” his wife says. “Just watch how I do it. Now, you place your index finger on the home button, push in, then slide the screen up carefully. Hmmm, it usually works. Not sure what’s wrong. Maybe we can ask Brian if he can do it.” “You mean Bruce?”
“Okay, folks, what’s it going to be tonight?” Brian asks. “What did he say?” Wife One murmurs to her husband. “It’s time to order, dear.”
Husband One says, “I’ll have the cod dish.” Wife One immediately leans over and says, “No, no, no, no, no, George. You hate cod. Bring him salmon instead, Brian. And I’d like the appetizer-size chopped Caesar salad to start. Very chopped, please.”
“Oh, that sounds good. Can we split that?” Wife Two asks.
“Absolutely, Ma’am,” Brian says.
After taking their orders, Brian heads to the kitchen. The two couples sip their drinks. And converse.
“Some game last weekend, wasn’t it,” Husband Two says.
Wife One asks, “What’s that ringing noise?” She looks around, her neck swiveling like a Lazy Susan. “George, it’s you. Your hearing aids are acting up.”
“Did he bring extra batteries?” Wife Two asks.
“Yeah, we went to bed when it was 20-10. Never thought the Chiefs would catch up.”
After dinner, Brian presents the bill. The husbands manage to activate their flashlights. They put on their cheater glasses, study the bill and discuss the tip (“Bruce was good but 20%?”). The wives pick up their white styrofoam boxes (“Here’s tomorrow night’s dinner.”).
A great time was had by all. Even Brian. (Even Bruce.)
