HE'LL NEVER LOSE ANOTHER GOLF BALL

The eyes of the golf world are focused on Augusta, Georgia this weekend. With azaleas and dogwoods in profuse bloom, 88 players teed off Thursday morning on this renowned course, vying for the coveted green jacket that’s awarded to the winner of the Masters, along with a share of a $11,500,000 prize fund. 

But here in the Wells woods, other eyes are focused on the two-car garage at 26 Grist Stone Court where Mr. Wonderful and handyman Fez, AKA Geppetto and Pal, are installing a golf simulator machine. 

For the past month, odd shaped cartons have piled up in the garage — a FlightScope launch monitor, a MEVO-plus something-or-other, an Optima whatever-it-is, along with humongous-size room dividers. Not to mention a new iPad that runs the entire operation.

Yesterday, the dynamic duo bounced off to Home Depot in Fez’s silver Sierra pickup truck to buy pipes and paneling, with a side trip to Marden’s Surplus & Salvage for a 8x10’ beige rug.  “It only cost $50 and it’s gonna protect the wall,” Mr. W tells me.

The twosome always come through. Over the past few years they have paneled a basement, tiled a floor and constructed a pergola, among other household improvements. Each new situation invariably starts with Mr. W declaring, “I can do this myself. Not a problem.” 

Within an hour, however, his back gives out or his knees “can’t handle this,” so Fez gets the phone call. They work well together — Bob stands and supervises, hands clasped behind his back, smiling; Fez climbs the ladder with his drill and suggests in his Maine drawl, “Bawb, what if we try it THIS way?” All day long they yak about mutual friends they knew in Cape Porpoise back in the ‘50s. “Remember Sonny? That guy was something else.” “Sure was.”

So what is a golf simulator? (And equally important, why is it in my two-car garage, which is one of the reasons we moved to the Wells woods, because we did not have a garage at our former home, but I digress.) A golf simulator is a high-tech machine that displays images of actual golf courses “faithfully reproduced.” It delivers, apparently, a true-to-life golf simulation experience.

“If it’s raining or nasty outside, we can still play golf,” Bob says. “If it’s freezing, I’ve ordered a heater to keep it cozy. And think about this. Now that Covid is almost gone, we can have dinner parties and have our guests play Pebble Beach during cocktails!” 

(I’m trying to picture the wives, dressed in J.McLaughlin dresses and wearing FSNY jigsaw flats, leaping at the chance to play a round of golf in our garage. But Bob’s hope springs eternal.)

Which is the point of this blog. Not so long ago, he read the Motley Fool cover to cover. He never missed watching Squawk Box or Mad Money. He’s painted countless watercolors, recorded two albums and written two novels. 

Now he spends hours a day watching YouTube instructional videos titled “The Single Plane Golf Swing” or “Perfect Putting.” He is a student of and for golf, and this 84-year-old man is never going to give up —no matter how creaky the bones or crippling the arthritis or poor the eyesight.

He may never drive a ball like Bryson deChambeau or escape a bunker like Tiger Woods.  But here’s the deal: Golf puts a smile on his face and that thing inside my two-car garage is activating major smiles. 

Plus, he’ll never lose another golf ball.