KHAKI PANTS

Daylight Savings Time ends this weekend. 

Here in Maine, we’ll reset our watches, crank up the thermostat and enjoy sipping our evening cocktails in pajamas in front of a crackling fire because it’ll be PITCH BLACK by 4:15.

The end of DST marks the official beginning of winter. I’ve gathered our wool mittens, hats and scarves and stashed them in a plastic box on the coat closet shelf. I’ve switched nylon golf jackets for puffer coats and goose-down vests. Our LLBean boots stand in the garage, ready to march into the first snowfall.

But my biggest chore every Fall is switching Mr. Wonderful’s wardrobe from summer to winter. It’s never pretty. Or easy. Or fun.

“Do you really need this many khaki pants?” I ask Mr. W. as I examine 20+ pairs of tan-colored slacks filling half our walk-in closet. “DON’T THROW ANY OF THEM OUT!” he says. “I need them."

What is it about men and their khaki slacks? Mr. W’s collection of pants includes every Crayola hue from ash to light umber. Some have pleats, which I thought went out of style before Neil Armstrong strode the lunar surface. “I still like them,” Mr. W. insists. “I think they make me look slimmer.”

Others feature “sans-a-belt” waistlines to accommodate someone-who-shall-remain-nameless’ tummy vicissitudes. “I don’t really like those slacks,” he says, “but you never know when I might want to wear them. And they’re always good for just sitting around the house.”  (Six pairs of pants just to sit around the house????)

The cuffs on several other slacks look like they’ve been through a shredding machine. When I suggest that the pants with three-inch-long fringe hanging from the cuffs have to go, he tells me, “They’re perfect for golf.” I counter, “But people are going to think you’re a fruit picker if you wear these….”  He counters back, “Guys don’t notice that kind of thing. Besides, I can just snip off the hanging threads.”

So, I’m stuck with a closetful of his khakis. I have a feeling I’m not alone.

The word “khaki” derives from a Hindi word meaning “dusty” or “dust.” It’s rumored that khakis first became popular in the 1840s when British Indian soldiers dyed their cotton pants in tea, curry powder and mud to blend in with the landscapes. Khaki-colored dye was actually patented in 1884, and the first khaki uniform in the United States was authorized for Naval use in 1917. 

Over the century, many cool dudes have worn khakis, including Jack Kerouac, Clark Gable, Ernest Hemingway, Steve McQueen, President John F. Kennedy, Paul Newman, Brad Pitt. (Even Kathryn Hepburn looked smashing in her khakis.) 

Khakis are also rumored to be “a strong man’s pants,” which is probably why they were favored by tough guys like Somoza, Pinochet, Trujillo, Che Guevara.  In “Breaking Bad,” Walter White strips off his khakis in the middle of a New Mexican desert before he starts cranking out the meth.

Mr. Wonderful is a cool guy too and he looks quite dashing in his khakis. Just not all 20+. So I might have to take matters into my own hands. And now that it’ll be dark at 4 PM, that might be easier than you think.