CURSES!

Munching on popcorn and snug in our comfy leather chairs in front of the large-screen Samsung the other night, Mr. Wonderful and I activated the Paramount+ app to watch the new season of TULSA KING. During the first minute, the f-word was dropped 15 times. The first minute! We looked at each other and said, “Why do they do that?”

Same thing happened two days later watching THE DIPLOMAT. The f-word served as a noun, an adjective and a verb throughout the entire first episode. It’s like, if the characters don’t say that word, the show’s Neilson ratings will plummet? I dunno.

I hear teenagers drop the F-bomb with aplomb. An article I read stated, “Gen Z — 13-28 years old — use swear words more often and with a more positive attitude, incorporating them into everyday conversations face-to-face and even on social networks, to a greater extent than older generations.” I’m guilty myself. The word pops to mind when I’m angry or upset. I’m not proud of that and I’m looking for other words to vent my anger. (So far, CRIKEY and BALDERDASH lead the list.)

Despite my occasional use of the f-word, and I realize this will sound hypocritical, I don’t like hearing our elected officials use the word. I want the people I look up to for advice, help and leadership — my doctors, congressmen, senators and President — to articulate their distress with more acceptable words.

Remember when Vice President Joe Biden leaned in close to Obama during the signing of ACA and, not knowing the microphone was live, whispered (with his hand hiding his mouth), “This is a big ‘effing’ deal.” At least he whispered. But it was HUGE news on TV that night because that word wasn’t publicly acceptable.

Back in February, 1981, Saturday Night Live member Charles Rocket said the F-word on live TV. Within days, Rocket and the producer and most of the cast were fired. Because that word wasn’t publicly acceptable.

Truthfully, both political parties — Republicans and Democrats — feature public-swearing champs these days. No one is a saint. Last week, Secretary of Defense (ok, War) Hegseth told his assemblage of military brass (and this was aired on television) they’d “better not FA or FO.” (Translation: ‘eff’ around, find out.) Two days ago during a press gathering in the Oval Office, President Trump told a reporter when asked about Venezuelan President Madura, “He doesn’t want to ‘eff’ around with the United States.” (But Trump didn’t use the word “eff.”)

I can think of numerous words that convey his message just as well, like mess around, antagonize, provoke or annoy, for starters. But according to research, “The f-word is the most tweeted cuss word by Americans and, in a truly stunning upset, it recently surpassed ‘bloody’ as the favored obscenity among the British.”

Historically, the first known use of the word was in 1528 when it was cited in “De Officiis,” a treatise on unmoral conduct written by Cicero. But wait! The famous Roman statesman, lawyer, scholar, philosopher, orator and writer Cicero didn’t put it in his treatise. That was done by an anonymous monk who scrawled in the margins of the manuscript, “O d ‘effing’ Abbot.”

During the 16th century, the most obscene words were God’s blood, God’s wounds and God’s bones. (Poor God was taking it on the chin.) In the 1800s, flapdoodle, foozler and blighter were about the worst names you could call someone. Even as recently as the 1920s, the f-word was seldom used in literature. The 1924 play WHAT PRICE GLORY? featured soldiers swearing like soldiers without dropping a single F-bomb. Ernest Heminway’s editors made him settle for the oblique “muck” in FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS.

So here are a few choice words to consider when you see blue lights flashing in your rearview mirror.  Instead of referring to someone as an effing idiot, call them a BOBOLYNE (a stupid person) Or RAMPALLION (a good for nothing scoundrel) or SCOBBERLOTCHER (a lazy man). (Actually, maybe don’t call him anything or count to ten first.)

But those fun words are worth a try. Sure are, DAGNABBIT.